Call me a sadist. But there's nothing more satisfying to me than seeing the face of a young child after asking him if he's heard of the Lighthouse Family, before telling him they're a British easy-listening duo.
You would think they'd improve with age, like wine. They started off as embarrassing "dad music", and it was this perennial uncoolness that made enjoying their songs impractical. That's not to say I don't like the production - I don't particularly, it's desperately middle-of-the-road - but it still maintains a 90s flavor, enough to give the songs extra value in nostalgia points. There is something quintessentially 90s about the Lighthouse Family look as well. They've adopted the dark informal suits (sockless) look, the one black guy one white guy look, and the frontman-in-"ethnic"-looking-rumpled-collarless-cream-shirt-while-the-other-guy-looks-into-the-distance-in-his-shades look. Their artistic sense is nothing if not satisfactory. But they are still "dad music". They epitomize it. You could imagine Tony Blair listing the duo amongst his favorite bands in an interview.
Still some way off from middle age, I can not yet dream to afford to own a car, let alone a nice one typical of men in mid-life crises. But even in middle age, even if I had the means, I'd probably not buy a fancy car. My compensation for my brood flocking the nest and leaving it empty - like the easy-listening section of my music library - would not be in flash cars, but probably food. I will become an old sausage-eating, self-loathing Jabba-the-Hutt whose emotions will never be Lifted when I take an Ocean Drive in my hovercar. And my hovercar will of course be cheap and battered. (I was going to say "like most of my food" - but now I have an image of myself driving a massive sausage. I hope future technology will reach this stage.)
Millennials are the first generation to be financially worse off than their parents. But let me tell you something; 75 years down the line, Japan and Germany are doing very well economically. They are both highly respected and advanced. Which just goes to show, war crime does pay. Don't you see? Tony Blair is playing the long game.
Labour had used "Cool Britannia" for their 1997 image, successfully so, but, for the theme song of their first post-90s campaign Things Can Only Get Worse. In other words, they were self-confident enough to use Uncool Britannia. It worked however. The Lighthouse Family song Lifted helped reelect Tony Blair in 2001. But millennials find it difficult to get the help needed to make their way in the world. With useless degrees, fleeting industries and training, and increasing outsourcing and increasing automation, we are are still asking Dad for pocket money in our thirties. Well, I am anyway. Consequently we feel desperately uncool. Despite our taste in music.
I am genuinely sorry for my digressions, for taking attention away from the two men who were meant to be the focus of this article.
If I sound disparaging towards either Tony Blair or the Labour Party in my digression, that was not intentional (my attitude towards them is one of apathy). In fact it was originally just a contrived way of fitting in my crap 'war crimes' joke. Not worth it, because this whole article now sounds like an unfocused rant. I sound like an old-timer who contradicts himself - but does so with passion. Have I already skipped past middle age?
I guess the answer to the above really depends on how long I live. Either way, I think the Lighthouse Family are alright. Their non-single album tracks are more then tolerable. Not much more though.
