Ghosts, Rapists and Turtles, or: Belated Sequels and Reboots

Cosby biographer Mark Whitaker says he was wrong to exclude rape allegations

Mark Whitaker shouldn’t apologise for his omission. It didn't matter how definitive the biography was supposed to be - what sort of person goes out to buy a biographical book on Bill Cosby anyway?? Celebrity biographies are for people interested in the glamorous lifestyles of the rich and famous. The choice of celebrity is rarely a mundane one like pre-rape Cosby. For example I am reading a frank account of the peak years of a real legend, and it’s a good autobiography, an exciting read for me it is simply unputdownable. Perhaps not the most rock-n-roll-lifestyle, but the man's influence is such to have inspired generations of tender minds to emulate their hero. It is Trowel and Error, the autobiography of the famous and successful Alan Titchmarsh MBE. Whereas nobody had even heard of Whitaker’s book before all this shit about Cosby had come out. His sorries should be thank-yous.

Remember Cosby in the film Ghost Dad? In it he plays a dad. A ghost dad. It was so ahead of its time. (The elegance of its self-explanatory title foreshadowing that of Snakes on a Plane by sixteen years.) Cosby plays a family man, and brings humour to the film. Aside from the EXCELLENT novel, which I heartily recommend, I always felt that the Ghost Dad franchise could have been expanded, and there was more life to the premise. But it is his career, now, that is the ghost. A belated sequel is certain not to happen at this point after all that’s come out he’s invisible to his co-stars now – which would have cut the effects budget. Not to worry! There is one other film about ghosts to look forward to. Now, he’s not normally known as a method actor, but if Patrick Swayze’s preparation for the Ghost sequel is anything to go by it’ll be amazing.

How do you explain to kids about Bill Cosby? I remember when I was a kid and I heard the word “rape” on telly and I asked mum and dad what it meant. They, bless them, tried their best to answer. So my concept of sex and violent crime when I was a kid was based on what I saw on TV, be it Byker Grove, Casualty, or Teenage Mutant HERO Turtles. Okay the Turtle violence was more on the slapstick side, but in terms of the sex, there is not one single guy of my age who did not fancy April O’Neil. Call me an old fogey, but I’ve yet to see the live-action reboot - and I don’t think I ever will. I wouldn’t want to spoil the romance. Oh April.  I want our moonlit evenings in the sewers to remain perfect. Although Megan, who plays April O'Neil in the reboot, is hot. You know, that famous American actress Megan whatshername, ooh she’s such a, such a … ?