"Toast", he kind of said. 'Kind of' because, while undoubtedly being the word that the rotund and clearly impatient proprietor of the upmarket greasy spoon had articulated, the manner in which he did so was more ambiguous. "Toast?" it sounded more like. But also somewhere near "toast!". Definitely not "toast?!", but maybe possibly "toast!?". Yes, that was it.
Allow me to paint the picture. Out of all the set breakfasts on offer the Pick 'n' Mix appealed the most. Choose five items (i.e. sausage, all the eggs, beans, etc.), plus a tea/coffee and a round of toast. And it was after I let him know my choice of breakfast items - and drink - that he asked(?) the terse question.
It baffled me. Assuming it was a question on the subject of toast (sticking my neck out here), then what exactly was he asking? Perhaps what I wanted to have spread on it? Whether I had wanted white or brown bread? If I had even wanted the toast at all? Or maybe if I'd wanted to have it left un-toasted?
I looked back at the chalkboard menu. I already knew what it said, but seeds of doubt were sewn by the staring eyes of the convincing cockney. His domineering size and silence stupefied me into hopelessly trying to find new meaning in the same words I had read moments earlier.
"Wha? I don't ... ", I mumbled.
"Look - toast is included in the meal, it's up to you if you want it or not".
My brows furrowed in confusion. I was thinking, "Well of course I fucking want it. I am bloody paying for it aren't I?"
Help me with this. Why on Earth would someone deny the customer something he has paid for? Not just sneakily, but even TO HIS FACE. The scenario might as well have been:
'"Would Sir like me to cut off 14% of the trouser legs?"
"Is the full trouser not included in the price?"
"Why of course it is"
"No it's alright"
"Then perhaps Sir would like for me to just blatantly short-change him?"
"No thanks"
"This is most unusual. Most customers - "
"Just don't give me any change at all. I will needlessly include an extra fiver in the transaction"
"A wise choice, Sir"'.
