What I Have to Say About Oscar Pistorius

Cleared of Reeva Steenkamp's murder, charged with manslaughter

The world of Twitter has been making predictable quips drawing attention to his physical disability. But he is the one with the supermodel girlfriend! Well, was, anyway. And even MY body isn’t perfect; if there’s one thing I'm unhappy about, it's my fingers. They're so small and girly. And a bigger thumb would be more satisfying to suck. Though since I’m light-years from a live-in model girlfriend, or a career, I often wonder whether or not I'm wasting my life. But then I remember, 'hey, I was born'. Out of all the sperms in the race, I was the one that made it. That was given the gift of Life. That took it for granted and never became an Olympian athlete.

Just as regrettably, it is the case that South Africa is rife with crime and guns and shootings. A reflection of this, gangsta rap is extremely popular over there. And in May this year Snoop Dogg, or Lion, or whatever version of Mac O/S he wants to call himself now, made an open call to rappers to end gun violence. Guns DO kill people. And if anyone knows about killing it's Snoop Dogg. He did help kill hip-hop in the mid 90s. But Pistorius went around discharging handguns in restaurants. That’s just immature and irresponsible, that is. Even still, I don’t feel all that mature or responsible. We’re both the same age. Except I’m older. And I don’t even feel I will have kids before I reach 40. Hope, I’ve all but lost ( ... she was the kid I was meant to babysit).

Anyway, about the trial, the case against him was strong. Using telephone messages as evidence, prosecutor Nel painted him as a hothead bully to the late Reeva. Details from both sides had yet to paint a fuller picture at this point, so the circumstantial nature of a few flippant exchanges would not be regarded as such. Especially when, of Pistorius' alleged bullying, relentless and boorish Nel fought so loudly and so dominantly, so aggressively, a little bit like a bully. I think that bullying, in all forms, sucks. I hate it more than I hate myself. But you can’t expect a man and a woman who sleep together, or who live together, not to have heated arguments and disagreements. He, Nel, picked some particularly upsetting-sounding statements from Pistorius to Reeva. But she did stay with him, even whenever he really put his foot in it ... or perhaps that was the reason she stayed. I tried it once but it tickled too much.

Viewers around the world may have benefited from the courtroom cameras - but they could have only compounded his depression, PTSD, anxiety, and his risk of suicide. At points Pistorius was visibly upset; not only crying but vomiting too. So he had an independent psychologist to conduct a mental evaluation, as well as three psychiatrists. I have a good friend who works in a psychiatric hospital, she's devoted to her work and humble too. "Oh, no, really I'm no angel. That's only another of your delusions Mr Man. Please lower your arms and stop running about". So whatever the mental state of Pistorius, if not affecting his case either way, I think it probably slowed down the proceedings.

But I think I can understand it when people doubted the genuineness of his tears. With such a terribly weak defence against a strong and aggressively-styled prosecution, a public display of crying may have just been his only hope. Just a wild shot in the dark.